My Search for Mr. Right

I used to wonder if every guy I was attracted to was my soulmate, but at age 27 I set out determined to find him. It was 1994, the year my mother passed on her 47th birthday from ovarian cancer.   I saw life was too short to live without purpose or passion, and mustered the courage to admit to my husband, my daughter’s father, that I was never in love with him.  Ignoring the counsel of my heart to wait, I said yes while on the rebound, when he popped the question at my 21st birthday party. I could not make myself say outloud what I really wanted, even though I was screaming it on the inside.

I was still carrying a torch for my previous boyfriend of five years.  Ours was a fiery, codependent relationship based on sex and control.  It  began when I was sixteen and was on-again-off-again until right before I turned 21. When my seven year marriage was at its end, I tracked him down and called to test the waters. He said he had never stopped wanting to be with me, and convinced we were soulmates in no time we were back together.  Our rekindling lasted only a year.  When it was over I was sick inside, punishing myself for repeated mistakes and wrecked progress.  By the time I hit 30 I had burned through five more relationships, and that was just the beginning.

In short it took more than twenty tries to find my Mr.Right, so needless to say I’m an expert on the wrong way to win a man.  Acting the sex-crazed mind blowing teaser who aims to please, with curves and a smart head for business just isn’t the magic formula ladies.   Take it from me, every time I wore that mask I lost. I played a convincing I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never ever let you forget you’re a man kind of girl. When I walked into a room men’s heads turned. I was hot, and to boot I was a high paid sales manager and drove a convertible BMW. This is what I thought men wanted, a sexy, successful, independent woman.  But when it came to relationships I was always left wondering what was wrong with me? What was my problem, what was his?  Why didn’t the guys I desperately wanted to be my soulmate love me back?  Sound familiar?

I bought a deck of tarot cards in 1996, desperate to uncover how a guy I was sleeping with at the time really felt about me.  I was hoping to get inside his head, little aware I would be delving deep inside my own.  Along with uncovering who I am, I attracted a partner with whom I’m deeply intimate and share an otherworldly connection.

I finally found the love, acceptance and reverence (deep respect) I craved by learning to first give it to myself.  Once I started recognizing loss as an opportunity for growth and better things to come and vowed never again to abandon my heart, or settle for less than I deserved, everything changed! The greatest wisdom I have to share is this:  Truth is the path to love and love the only thing worth pursuing.

During the years following, as a professional tarot card reader, I consulted with hundreds from across the globe concerning their relationships.   The #1 question I was asked was “Will I find my soulmate?” My answer was always, “yes when you find yourself.”   The one that naturally followed was “so how do I do that – how do I find myself?”   The purpose of this site is to answer how, to set as many as possible on the inner-path to finding themselves. There is no more urgent a need than for each of us to awaken to the truth about who we really are.